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Posted 2013-06-18T22:04:14+02:00
It's strange that you never see Spider-Man cooking even though he was raised by Uncle Ben.

-1(0)
Comment by Anonymous

Uncle Ben could barley hold a fucking job he was always reading the paper looking for work and even then aunt May had to cook everything... Also why would he cook? He can get chipotle by swinging on a web in like 10 seconds.

Comment by Anonymous

Trying too hard here

Posted 2013-06-18T21:51:06+02:00
Warren Buffett is worth $53.5 billion, or roughly 8 lbs of Whole Foods guacamole.

Funny(1)
Posted 2013-06-18T21:51:00+02:00
Stop faking sense.

-1(0)
Posted 2013-06-18T21:48:10+02:00
Danger is my middle name, but the D is silent.

-1(0)
Posted 2013-06-18T21:43:53+02:00
Next time you're mad at someone tell them they're not in the band anymore, they'll say "I'm not in a band," and you'll say "damn straight"

-1(0)
Posted 2013-06-18T21:42:30+02:00
she wants the d, vorce :(

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I know what you're trying for here but it didn't work.

Comment by Anonymous

What's the D? And Who is Vorce? Pointless and Stupid.

Comment by Anonymous

neither do i. dumb.

Comment by Anonymous

I dont know what this means

Posted 2013-06-18T18:45:33+02:00
Pooh for fucks sake man I've told you a million times, you can't call me Tigger, only other tigers can call me Tigger.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

You suxk you worthless twat. Epic failure at delivering a joke!

Comment by Anonymous

you racist piece of human waste. Nobody should ever use the T word

Posted 2013-06-18T18:36:53+02:00
Text your ex "OMG. I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you something" right now and never respond.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Have revenge sex with your ex,

Comment by Anonymous

That would have been so much better than putting her in the trunk and jumping from the car as it went over a cliff.. oh well next time.

Posted 2013-06-18T18:36:04+02:00
The richest man ever lived John D. Rockefeller had a fortune of $663,400,000,000 in today's money.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Standard Oil would be worth over 1 Trillion in today's money, had it not been broken up.

Comment by Anonymous

And even that amount of money wouldn't be enough to teach you proper grammar

Comment by Anonymous

I do. I'm related to him. Show some respect please.

Comment by Anonymous

How does it matter? He's long dead... A fucking corpse slowly being converted into minerals in the soil. Who gives a shit!

Comment by Anonymous

But for all but his last years the money was backed by gold so worth way more than today's monopoly money. Since 1933 it has been backed by nothing and is just a large confidence game.

Posted 2013-06-18T18:34:51+02:00
Her: 911, what's your emerge- Me: SOMEONE'S WEARING CROCS! Her: Sir, that's not an em- Me: WITH A FANNY PACK! Her: I'll send an officer.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Was this a joke? Seriously, fuck off you rabbit fucker!

Posted 2013-06-18T18:31:57+02:00
Your body is a temple. Congrats on the expanding congregation!

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Congratulations on creating an extremely LAME status!

Posted 2013-06-18T14:29:51+02:00
If I were a ghost I would haunt people by knocking on their door as soon as they start masturbating!

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Knock when they're about to cum!

Comment by Anonymous

You go to hell. I hate the door knock mid-masturbate sesh!

Comment by Anonymous

Now this is fucking funny!

Posted 2013-06-17T22:20:46+02:00
When Hugh Hefner dies, will he really be going to a better place?

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Imagine ... his wife has to look at his shriveled penis. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Comment by Anonymous

ok Hugh Hefner is not dead? He sure looks it. does not look any different the second time but I hope it make you happy.

Comment by Anonymous

Hugh Hefner is not dead? He sure looks it.

Comment by Anonymous

This is been posted so many times that when he actually DOES die, nobody's going to be able to use this without getting flogged for "I heard that 10 years ago"

Comment by Anonymous

vv No but your mom does

Comment by Anonymous

v Do you understand English, motherfucker?

Comment by Anonymous

vv U remember a guy who is anonymous? r u fucking retarded u cumface!

Comment by Anonymous

How many times this gonna get reposted??

Comment by Anonymous

V I work 54 hours a week.. I remember, you stupid chicken fucker.. #Fuckyou

Comment by Anonymous

People here are so jobless that they even remember old status messages and the first time those messages were posted.

Comment by Anonymous

way to copy and a status from years ago like no one's going to remember!

Comment by Anonymous

Now this really IS old...

Posted 2013-06-17T21:33:32+02:00
There is a time and place for being immature & dumb. The time is now and the place is up your butt, round a corner. That was a double dare.

Fail(2)
32813
Comment by Anonymous

Now you did it. You got the keyboard bully mad and he will type angry words at you from behind the safety of his computer.

Comment by Anonymous

Raise voice again, and I will hack tongue from fucking mouth!

Comment by Anonymous

V No thanks im not gay... #Fuckyou

Comment by Anonymous

Random thought huh deppresso faggo?

Comment by Anonymous

V Must not have been too bad, there's still some on your lips...

Comment by Anonymous

v The person below u took ur case epicly. Your comeback sucks.

Comment by Anonymous

V o ouch never heard that one... #Fuckyou

Comment by Anonymous

v no, we have sex with your mom daily!

Comment by Anonymous

V lol those guys have sex together daily.. #Fuckyou

Comment by Anonymous

I hope you die in the near future!

Posted 2013-06-17T21:27:17+02:00
Hey, people that hang potted flowers all around your porch... Can I borrow some money?

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

stupid status by a dumbfuck trying to be funny!!

Comment by Anonymous

Funny ..... Not

Posted 2013-06-17T21:18:46+02:00
I like you, but not put my phone away while you talk to me, like you.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

your jokes are worse than nicholas cage's acting...

Posted 2013-06-17T21:14:57+02:00
Bicyclists, it's one thing to hog the road, but it's quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.

Funny(3)
Posted 2013-06-17T21:12:34+02:00
How do I gently tell people that I don't want to speak to their babies on the phone ever again?

Funny(4)
Posted 2013-06-17T21:10:18+02:00
After 11, please stop counting in months how old your kid is.

Epic(2)
Posted 2013-06-17T21:09:55+02:00
To Do List: Get a sword. Name it Kindness. Kill people with kindness.

Fail(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Old but good. Like


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