Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
That selfie of you perched upon the toilet intoxicated was truly charming. What finishing school did you attend, my delicate flower?
Being American is awesome. The end.
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
Stop holding in your farts. They're traveling up your spine, and going into your brain which apparently is giving you a bunch of shitty ideas.
Another Republican has declared, making the total fourteen. Instead of numberous debates, could we just get one battle royal?
My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.
People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they're likely to cause.
My coworker is pregnant and they passed a card around and I didn't know what to write so I just put HAVE A GOOD BABY TANYA
Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.
If you told me 10 yrs ago that I would be 20 with ZERO chinese stars, nunchuks or ninja swords in my house I would've kicked your ass.
Who in the fuck thought up the Tooth Fairy?
Starting to think the "walls" you have around you were built by the terrified villagers to keep you in.
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
I was gonna go out today but then I sat down. Gravity's a bitch.
I have a conflict of no interest
My life is currently buffering
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
People who can do a cartwheel calm the fuck down
Don't waste good booze on bad memories
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