Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
If its the thought that counts then I've banged so many hot chicks.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
Most men like fish, some men like chocolate.
That's how I'm explaining homosexuality from now on.
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps
Ass so nice its gotta be Canadian.
When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
If you can't fix it with duct tape or a martini; it ain't worth fixing.
It's hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
The boss almost caught me posting on Facebook at work but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
Look I see that you love me and would kill for me, but this guy over here barely notices me and has a GF. I'll play the odds. -Woman logic
People who gave George Lopez a sitcom. Who hurt you?
Be the strange that you want to see in the world.
Fact: any dog under 20 lbs is considered a cat.
Just when you think someone couldn't be any more annoying I test your theory.
I hate how the "World" Cup has countries other than the U.S. in it. Ever heard of the World Series, assholes? Thanks Obama.
I told a pal about my painful breakup today and he told me to say "la vee" and you know what it really helped
Do you ever just rub your eyes so hard that you just start entering some other galaxy of swirls and patterns?
Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg, and some days you're the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
Bored, so I'm going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I'm him from the future.
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