Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
Go fuck yourself is easily the most solid piece of advice that I can give you.
It's getting harder and harder to tell Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife apart.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a blowjob each time you act crazy, he'll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
Making fun of dinosaurs to a paleontologist is a great way to get jurasskicked
My legs are so white they just baked a batch of kale chips.
Isn't it weird that after 30,000 years of eating bread, everyone is gluten allergic now?
I'm not mad that the Ebola guy went to the Highline, jogged 3 miles, and bowled w/ friends. I'm jealous that he leads a more fulfilling life
Relationships are like health insurance: all your preexisting conditions start coming out AFTER you've been approved
Here's a joke about ebola, you probably won't get it though.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
How many bad decisions are you gonna make until I become one?
In my defense your honor, he said prolly.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
First the mixed tapes disappear and now it seems women don't appreciate dick pics.
It's like we have no more romantic weapons left.
It's only gambling if you're losing.
To find your prince you need to kiss a few frogs not sleep with the whole pond.
Can't stop drinking about you
When prostitutes go on strike they really don't give a fuck.
Never, ever ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
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